"La Belle Dame Sans Merci"


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November 16, 2005 (Dream)

 
The bird you thought you had caught
spreads it's wings and flies away ...
love stays away, you wait and wait;
when least expected, love appears!
All around you, swift, so swift,
it comes, it goes, and then returns ...
you think you hold it fast, it flees
you think you're free, it holds you fast.
Love! Love! Love! Love! --Carmen
 
Had an interesting dream last night about a really handsome man with curly shoulder length dark hair. He was holding me captive in his Mediterranean villa along with a couple other women. One may have been my sister, but did not look like Nikki. There was a group of men that tied our hands behind our backs, and they started to joke about what they were going to do with us. That is when the dark haired man came into the room and told them to untie me. They did, and then he took me by the hand and led me into a bedroom. He laid back on the bed and told me to take my clothes off. I just stared at him for a while, but I was a little afraid of him so I started to take them off, but I was taking a really long time. He was talking to me during this and I realized I was actually attracted to him and grateful he did not leave me to the other men. I asked him if I could go to the bathroom and at first he said no, but then let me. I stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror wondering what was going to happen next because I felt kind of nervous. That is when he opened the door which made me jump. I was afraid he would be angry that I was just standing there. He told me he had been called away on business, but he would be back soon. He told me I was to go back in the bedroom and wait for him.
 
When I walked out of the bathroom I realized I was actually free and that I could get away if I wanted to. I started to walk around his villa and ended up outside in a beautiful garden. There was a couple getting married there, and they were standing on a platform above everyone. I walked up to the platform and stood behind the groom. That is when the minister mistook me for the bride. I was trying to tell him I was not the one getting married when two men walked up to me and each took me by the arm and led me back to the house.
 
They brought me into a dining room where the dark haired man was sitting at a very long table with a "stone" look on his face. He motioned for them to sit me in a chair at the other end of the table. I felt nervous again. He looked at me for a few minutes before saying a word and then he slammed both of his fists on the table. He said something about me not listening to him, and that from then on I was to do what he said. I did not say a word. I just sat there afraid to speak.
 
Then the dream fast forwarded many years later and I am an attractive, well dressed older woman with silver hair, and I was still living in the villa with the man. I felt that my life had been spent trying to please him, and avoiding his anger, but at the same time I felt he treated me like a queen, and gave me everything I wanted except for freedom.
 
6:13 pm

November 13, 2005 (Card for today)
 
Epona's Wild Daughter
Inner shadows. Nightmare. Depression. Madness Growth

Epona's Wild Daughter, Dorcha, is the sphinx, whose riddles must be answered lest we otherwise be destroyed by our own internal conflicts. Dorcha reminds us that we cannot go forward until we have faced something buried within us that is holding us back. Her presence in a reading tells us that finding and working through this is a task of some urgency. We can expect help in this from other people, from the faeries, and from our dreams, but we must be open to these difficult questions and answers and be ready to face things about ourselves that are not as we would wish them to be. She urges us to heal the unresolved issues about who we really are and what we truly want to be. This is part of the required course in Self Transformation 101 that we are all enrolled in here on Planet Earth. The answers to her riddles often come in a sudden burst of enlightenment, like the 'solution' to a Zen koan. We may watch a leaf fall or catch a glimpse of the tiny sliver of the new moon in the sky and suddenly be hit by the answer. Before that happens, we usually work long and hard upon the question, searching and digging for an answer. The realization, when we really have it, will be transformative; we will no longer be the people that we once were. You don't like this interpretation? Well, I have been telling you all along that we (you and I and everyone else) will all receive varying messages from the faeries in the cards. Yours may well differ from mine. Ask Dorcha what message she has for you--and don't be surprised if her answer is another question or riddle. She and I both wish you well in solving it with all our hearts.
 
1:22 am

November 9, 2005 (Dream)

"Love, love is a gypsy child,
it has never, never, known a law;
love me not, then I love you;
if I love you, you'd best beware!"
-- Carmen (Bizet's opera)
 
 
I dreamt I was 16 years old and at some kind of conference at a very modern hotel resort with a group of my friends. We were all having dinner in the hotel restaurant when a woman sat next to me and started touching me. One of the guys at our table suggested we go back to his room and have drinks. Everyone got up from their tables and headed for the elevators. We were all waiting on the same elevator but for some reason when I got in it the doors shut right behind me and another woman, but none of my friends made it on. I pressed the button of the floor that was on my room key card, and waited for it to open to my floor. The woman started talking to me and asked where I was going. I told her to meet my friends, but I was having trouble figuring out which room I was in because it kept changing on the key. She asked to look at it as the elevator doors opened to the third floor, or so I thought it was the third floor.
 
I recognized some of the people in the hallway as being part of my group, but I did not know them very well. I looked at all the room numbers and for some reason the room on the key was not there. The room numbers on either side of it were though. I asked the girls from my group about it and they said they were not sure what room I was in, but that I needed to get my stuff and meet everyone in the lobby to catch the bus that was coming to take us to the airport in a few minutes. I started to panic a little, and the woman with me told me to relax she would help me find my room. We got back on the elevator and all the numbers were out of order and the fourth and first levels were missing.
 
We tried several more floors before we gave up and made it to the lobby. I was very upset because no one I knew was there, and I realized I had not only missed my group but that I was in a foreign country. The woman asked me to give her all my personal identification and my phone so she could help me figure out where I belonged. I gave her my id and one of my phones and she got back on the elevator. I used my other phone to call the front desk to ask them what happened to my room. They told me they were very sorry but they had misplaced my room. I asked them when my group left and they said some time ago, and that I had already missed my plane.
 
I started to cry really hard, and the man on the phone was trying to calm me down. I wanted to find my group, and call my family but I was not sure  where I was. In the dream I was crying so hard that tears were pouring down my face for what seemed like a long time, that is when I noticed a black 1970 mustang pull up in front of the hotel, and a man, in his early 30s, with shoulder length, hair stepped out of the car and walked toward me. He smiled at me, and said, "Didn't you know that I would come for you? I would never leave you here all alone." The man's energy was very familiar and comforting and in the dream I seemed to know who he was, and I felt relieved to see him show up. I stopped crying when he put his arms around me and said he was taking me home. That is when I woke up.
11:39 am

November 8, 2005 (What tree did you fall from?)


Find your birthday and then find your tree.

Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) -    Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) -    Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) -    Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) -    Beech Tree

TREES (in alphabetical order)

Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.

Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a  precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable e in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) -- likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.
10:09 am

November 3, 2005 (Tampa)

I just got back from my trip to Tampa yesterday and I wanted to post a little about it. I met some Elias Forum members and we had a really great time. Amazing how much stronger the connections can be felt in person when you can see and hear the person right in front of you. It adds a whole new dimension to the experience. Halloween night was very cool to say the least. Ted and Luanne came over and we all got to know each other over wine, diet soda, and pizza.

Later in the evening an essence Ted does an energy exchange with (much like Elias and Kris) called C9 came through (twice) and we had an impromptu session which was very awesome. I will post some of what C9 told us below. Before they got there I had been thinking that if she did pop in I would not have anything to talk to her about but I actually found out that I had much to discuss with her, and that her energy is very familiar to me. C9 and I share many focuses in this dimension together. When she first came through she said something like it was her desire to connect to our shift in consciousness that moved her to connect to us through the energy exchange. She also said that she felt a loving energy from all present that night. I was amazed at how much Ted's face physically changed during the energy exchange. I could have sworn that at times C9 was able to zoom right in on my face and it felt like she was within inches of me as she spoke to me even though we were across the room from each other at that point. I really want to thank Ted again here for bringing C9 through.

Anyway everyone was just so wonderful, and accepting. I look forward to getting together with them again. :)

C9 Session Highlights:

Most of the interactions with C9 were very playful and spontaneous, though there were topics of how we each create our own realities and that there is no separation between any of us or between ourselves and our realities. She commented that the next day there would be 3 different memories of the session, and she was correct. What follows is a combination of two of our memories that were written down within minutes of the session ending. :)

C9 told me that I have now engaged transition. I was pretty sure that I had in the past year, so it was very cool to have her valdiate that for me without my asking.

She told me that the belief system that I am kind of resistant to accepting is the belief system of Duplicity. Now it will be easier for me due to transition.

She said within current probabilities I would live to be older than 86. I joked about living to be older than Methuselah and she joked back that I could, but not probable. hahahah

Opan, and I share 216 focuses in this dimension.

All of Opan and Iona's shared focuses in this dimension have some kind of romantic overtone, (but not necessarily sexual) even familial relationships. Seven of those shared, are relationships of traditional experience (one-on-one loves, lasting throughout an entire focus).

Ted/Cara and I share 6 focuses with in this dimension.

Luanne/Inez and I share 16 in this dimension

C9 and I share 218 focuses in this dimension.

Luanne/Inez and Jeremy/Opan share 67 focuses in this dimension.

Ted/Cara and Jeremy/Opan share 1 focus in this dimension.

I have predominately heterosexual focuses, and 3 focuses that could be termed as "other", a blend of both male and female. (75% of mine are female). C9 said that I am not "bisexual" in this focus even though I have had experiences with both sexes. (My preference for men is greater than for women)

I have a focus that is the daughter of Cara and Inez in an Asian focus (they travel as a caravan of gypsies), and Eluna is the "spirit" channeled by Cara in that focus. This focus took place within our 10th century. Eluna is the essence name of my mother (in this focus as Ioanna). I told my mother this and she said that she is often aware of herself having conversations with people, and that she feels like she is in many places all at once. She loved her essence name.

I have a focus as the sister of Inez, and sister in-law of Cara in a Yucatan focus.

I have 112 Native American focuses.

My mythic/mystical animal is a Sasquatch, and I also have a focus in the dimension where the Sasquatch are focusing.

Opan's mythic animal is a Phoenix.

Three main qualities expressed, in this dimension, of Opan's essence energy, is: Jovial, Explorative, and Mischievousness.

Tala, a focus of mine who is a Native American lesbian lover to Kyah/Opan, and marries Antonzia/Malhai but does not have children with him, after Kyah dies. (Kyah was discussed in previous sessions, of Opan's, with Elias.)

Opan, and I create a VERY strong emotional connection that some translate as an irritation because it is an unfamiliar expression that some view as impossible for themselves. (This is similar to what Kris said as well)

Opan creates a manifestation of me in his reality that may be perceived as perfect and "who is very lovely to look at" according to C9, which is a different version of me than I create. I can validate this because I do tend to focus on my flaws and C9 sort of ratted me out. hahah Yet he and I allow an openness and a degree of very little distortion with one another in our reception of each other's energy. This experience of openness and allowance with each other is not presently expressed, by us, with anyone else to this degree.

Iona and Opan create what Opan terms a "Third intent", which C9 clarified that it is not necessarily a third intent as it is not a co-created expression, but it is an intent that Iona and Opan both incorporate individually within their focuses in addition to their individual, choice of focus intent.

Opan was the essence communicating with my friends, and me through the ouija board when I was 19. He was the one who called me "Sunshine".

In this focus, Opan interacts with many other-dimensional focuses of Iona, in which he images them as the Ioanna focus of Iona, and refers to them as "subjective Ioanna". His interactions with subjective Ioanna relate more predominantly to what we are creating within this focus, presently.

I have a focus as one of the twins that Opan's focus of Dr. Josef Mengele experimented/operated upon. The essence focusing as the twin of that focus of mine, is no one I am familiar with in this focus.

I was offering myself info on my truths in my energy interactions with Malhai when I saw the crop circle cross from above. Also, C9 said that one of the star beings that I saw with Malhai in the same cross "vision" is an aspect/focus of me in a different dimension. Malhai had already told me that they were us too.

C9 said that the imagery of the star beings was also communication of the vastness of myself, which is similar to the imagery I have presented to myself in the past about demons. C9 also related that when I used to "channel" my essence, the burning sensations and pain that I felt was imagery of a communication that I was engaging an aspect of myself that I would view as "despicable". This makes sense to me on many levels since I did fear that what I was "channeling" could be a "demon" back then. I have not "channeled in that manner since early 2002, and there is no more burning now.

John Moore (a focus of Opan previously discussed in Elias sessions). He hunted for items of or belonging to various mythological creatures. He slayed dragons, but not to rid the world of their "evil" (as portrayed in myths)---he did it more as part of his chosen profession. John killed dragons and sold them for food, as he was hired for this. He was also an acquirer of rare items/beastly parts for profit. He had other reasons and rewards for this, though, within translation, John could be considered a type of fantastic creature "poacher".

John Moore gave Jesanna a shape-shifter pet as a gift to "woo" her in competition with other suitors of that time who expressed interest in Jesanna. This shape-shifting pet was very, very rare in that time framework within our dimension, and its shape changing was triggered by the emotions of its owner.

Jesanna is a focus of Iona.
Note: John Moore and Jesanna had a grand romance that lasted quite a long time in their focuses, though they did not see each other in any regular frequency as John was preoccupied by his profession, which was fairly demanding.

Malhai has a focus as a friendly dragon to John Moore, and they were "friends". (11th century).

We realized a shift in Ted's energy, and C9 came through a second time maybe 40 minutes later. She started to express that we do not need to be discounting our impressions, our expressions, and that we have every right to validate to ourselves our own movements and choices. She encouraged us to be what we view as arrogant, selfish, and any other choice of expression in that we create our realities as we so desire and create no one else's.

C9 also added how we each access other's energy, but may create a purposeful distortion in our incorporation of those energies into our reality for our own experience.

9:41 pm

La Belle Dame with Knight


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