February 19, 2005 (Happy Birth/Death Day)
After a long battle against death J's dad died today. It just happens to be J's birthday too. I don't have a lot to say to anyone at the moment.. There is still an element of shock to all this since we thought he had died yesterday, but when they got to the hospital he was sitting up in bed alert.
The doctor had called after he stopped breathing yesterday, and told them they needed to come in because they found him blue and not breathing. J and his mom thought they were going to the hospital to take him off the ventilator but when they got there he was very awake. A shock to everyone since they thought he had died. Today his mom went back to the hospital and spent the whole day talking to him and comforting him. She said he seemed to be arguing with someone she couldn't see, and she told him that everything was ok, and not to argue because whoever he was talking to was there to help him. He was afraid to die and it took him a long time to let go. She said at some point he looked at peace and that is when she left the room for a few minutes; when she came back he was gone.
I am so happy that she was there for him and that he was at peace when he finally allowed himself to let go. In a way J's dad has given him a birthday gift by disengaging today. I am sure that might sound crazy to some people and I just don't have the energy to explain it today. Maybe another time.
February 13, 2005 (Dream)
First I dreamt that I was at my uncle's house in KY, and I had a pet tiger that I wanted to take outside on a leash, but I could not find a chain strong enough to hold it. I knew that if I put it outside it would escape because the chains I had were very flimsy. I was afraid if it escaped it might end up hurting someone, but I felt the tiger was getting too agitated being kept inside the house, so it had to go out, and I was not sure what to do. I can't remember too much more about that part.
Next I dreamt I was giving tickets to my daughter to see some kind of show or event in NYC. I was taking her to the train station, and we had to cross through a cemetery to get there. As we walked through the cemetery I realized my dad (who is dead) was walking with us, and my daughter and I were both about 12 or 13 years old. When we got to the train station they told me that I could not go to the train platform with her unless I paid 9 cents. I was trying to find a dime, and I ended up with a cup full of coins of all different sizes. I finally found a dime and gave it to the person at the window and they allowed me to walk her to the train.
I ended up getting on the train to NYC with her, and after some time the train came to a stop and everyone was allowed to get off for a few minutes before we were to continue on our way. We got off the train and we were doing some shopping when we realized that it was leaving. We both ran back to the train just in time to have the doors close in our faces and pull away without us. We were told that that was the last train to NYC for the day and we would have to wait until the next day to catch another. We were pretty upset because she was supposed to be there for the show, and there was no way for her to make it since it was supposed to start in 3 hours. We weren't even sure what train stop we were at, so we looked out a window to see if there was a sign or something. Looking down from the window I saw a row of apartment buildings and written in huge letters across the rooftops was, "Wendy's Heaven". A lot more happened in the train station, and it was very intense, but I forgot most of it after I woke up. I really need to get a tape recorder to keep next to my bed, but I would probably end up dreaming I was using it and not record anything. :p
February 12, 2005
Well this did not happen today but I thought I would still post about it. On 2/10 I was lying in bed trying to take a nap when I heard someone walking around my bedroom. I knew that there was no one home, and I was a little nervous. I tried to lie perfectly still, so they would not see me on the bed. That is when it felt like someone either sat or laid on top of me. It was not a heavy feeling, but it was a little uncomfortable because I was trying not to breath or move at first. I began to panic, but then I thought it was just the energy of my essence twin Elan, projecting his energy to me. Then I relaxed because I had asked him, when we had spoken online the day before, to try and wake me up since I had been sleeping very late, and I wanted to start getting up earlier.
I later talked to him online and he said he did not think it was him projecting this time, so I am very curious as to what non-physical essence is visiting me. I have had a lot more non-physical contact lately than usual. Sometimes it is just a projection from Elan, and other times it is Elias. I am not sure who it was the other day though. The energy felt unfamiliar to me, and that is probably why I felt kind of scared at first. The veils are getting thinner and thinner, and I seem to be bumping into someone/thing every time I turn around. Now they are also aware of me too, or maybe they always were, and I am the one more aware now.
Anyway, I fell asleep soon after all this happened and I dreamt that I was a servant to a religious group of people. I think one of them was a pope. It looked to be during Medieval times. I watched these "religious" people seal some other people into a room and I was afraid they would also seal me into the room too if I did not go along with them. I knew they were never going to let the people out. They told me that the reason they sealed them into the room was because they were greedy and that was their punishment. They did allow their children to be released before the room was sealed though. The dream felt pretty real.
February 11 , 2005 (Dream)
I dreamt I was in a small town. I am not sure what state it was in, but it was kind of twilight zone. The whole dream revolved around a country store, and the two men that ran it. It was a long dream, but I can only remember parts of the very end of it. I had gone to the town a couple of times before and had felt drawn to the men who ran the store so I drove back to see them. Usually the town was busy with college students and there was always something going on until 3 am, but this time the town looked deserted and I was the only person there. I parked outside of the store and waited for my daughter and two of my friends to meet me there. I wanted them to see this strange town too.
It seemed like forever waiting outside when I walked into the store. All the lights were out, and there was no one around. I walked outside and heard a noise on the side of the building. There was a river behind it, and I saw an odd looking boat floating down it carrying an aligator. Then a man I did not know walked around the building, and asked if he could help me. I told him I was looking for the men who owned the store. That is when one of the store owners walked around from the side of the building too. Right at that moment my daughter, and my friends Joanne and Tommy drove up in my other car. The men asked us to get into a small pool with them, and we all did. When we stepped into the pool the water changed into a swirl of bright colors. It looked so thick and bright that I thought we were swimming in paint, but when I pulled my arms out of it there wasn't any color on me. I asked them if they had put "psychedelics" in the water and then I corrected myself and asked if there was LSD in it because all of our perceptions started to change. My daughter started calling me by someone else's name and I kept telling her I am not that person. I am Ioanna. She just kept saying it as if she did not hear me, but then finally she called me Ioanna. I told them we had to leave, but I did not remember how to get out of there. A few more things happened and then I woke up.
February 8, 2005 (Euthanasia and Suicide)
Bashar excerpt:
Euthanasia and Suicide
Q: Yes, Bashar.
B: Yes.
Q: I'm a volunteer on the suicide hotline, and there's been a lot of debate on euthanasia versus suicide.
B: Yes.
Q: I understand it's a creative process. From the standpoint of karma, karma is just. It's neither positive nor negative, depending upon the lesson learned.
B: Yes. It is not retribution, it is not judgment; it is simply the continuation of the momentum for the perception and the opportunity to create a balance in an experience.
Q: Some of us find it a problem telling someone, "Yes, it's right to live," or "Yes, it's okay to die."
B: We understand.
Q: So where is the line?
B: The line will be, within each and every separate situation, completely different -- for every individual is different. And their reasons and their own creations will create the scenario to be different. Now, everyone, in an overall sense, obviously, does have the right to create their lives to be as they wish.
Q: Yes, Bashar.
B: Yes.
Q: I'm a volunteer on the suicide hotline, and there's been a lot of debate on euthanasia versus suicide.
B: Yes.
Q: I understand it's a creative process. From the standpoint of karma, karma is just. It's neither positive nor negative, depending upon the lesson learned.
B: Yes. It is not retribution, it is not judgment; it is simply the continuation of the momentum for the perception and the opportunity to create a balance in an experience.
Q: Some of us find it a problem telling someone, "Yes, it's right to live," or "Yes, it's okay to die."
B: We understand.
Q: So where is the line?
B: The line will be, within each and every separate situation, completely different -- for every individual is different. And their reasons and their own creations will create the scenario to be different. Now, everyone, in an overall sense, obviously, does have the right to create their lives to be as they wish.
This is also, however, another opportunity for all the members of your society to get in touch with the difference between someone that is running away from something, wishing to die, and someone that is going to something, needing to die. Do you follow me?
Q: Yes.
B: If certain scenarios are simply their choice of creation, and the direct outcome of those scenarios is simply that they will take themselves out and have placed themselves in a scenario wherein the most likely opportunity for them to expand is to cease physical life, then that is the direction they will proceed in.
Now, in general however, you will find that an individual who truly has the need to die -- they will die, regardless of anything you do to sustain them. But we do understand that, while there might be some individuals who actually do have that need, and whose death actually does represent the appropriate "timing" of their death, they will "hang on" because, let us say now -- we are using a colloquial term -- they are trapped by the beliefs they have bought into in your society about what it is they will experience, and they fear to go on.
And so they place themselves in a limbo state between life and death, so to speak, and in this state then, comes up all of these ideas of decisions as to whether or not to allow them to die, to create them to die, to force them to die, to allow them to live, to work it out, and what have you.
What these individuals mostly need, in a sense, is actually counseling -- to allow them to get in touch with what death means, what life means. And then, once the decision and the understanding of what it is they are doing is clear, they will either completely utterly live and center, or they will completely and utterly die and center. Do you follow me?
Q: To work within their tunnel.
B: Yes. An individual, however, who creates the idea of what you generally refer to as conscious or deliberate suicide, generally is running away from something that they have not been taught they have the power to deal with. A conscious suicide 99.99999 percent of the time will reintroduce themselves reincarnationally almost immediately back into the society, and will introduce themselves into a situation that is almost identical to the one they ran away from.
Whether you can convince an individual in your society of this or not, you might get a very interesting reaction if you told someone who was contemplating suicide that they would have to come back and do it all again.
Now, the idea for why an individual in your society would consider that anywayis, as we have said, they have not been taught a very essential thing. And it is simply as follows -- and if you can teach this, if you can share this with your society, you will find that less and less individuals will have a need for suicide. All individuals are as powerful as they need to be to create whatever life they desire to create without having to hurt anyone else or themselves in order to create it.
It is simply because your society has taught you that you are victims, and that you have no power over life, that these individuals see no other out, other than to kill themselves. Because they have not been taught that they have the power to change; they have not been taught that they created the negative scenarios based upon their negative beliefs and their fears. They have not been taught that they are in control of these scenarios, and that the negative scenario occurring in their life is not an indication that they are stuck in that scene;it is an indication that they have an opportunity to change that scene if they don't prefer it.
Teach them that; give them their power. Let them know that they are creators,and that what they are feeling is simply because they have chosen to buy into belief systems that have forced them to believe that they have no power, that they have no say, that they have no control. Get them in touch with their beliefs about life, and allow them to redefine those beliefs.
If they have to go through an entire scenario of completely being reborn, growing up all over again as a child, and instilling new beliefs in themselves as that child, let them. Let them be born again in the way they would desire to have been born. Let them become the type of person they desire to be.
If they have to begin from birth, let them do so in their imagination. And let them know that when they restructure the idea of what their childhood was like, that the new idea is just as real as the old one was. Just because it didn't happen physically doesn't mean anything; it is just as real. And they can then be the type of person that is the product of whatever they now imagine their new childhood to have been like. And they will then be able to detach themselves from old associations, and completely reprogram and reorient themselves into the type of being they desire to be.
Because you are exactly what you choose to be at any given moment, and in all reality -- though we understand that in your illusion of time, it may seem to be the case -- in all reality the present is not a result of the past; the past is a result of the present. You are creating the past and the future from now. It is only an illusion that the present is a direct result of the past. You can create the continuum illusion, but each and every moment is discrete, discontinuous from the last moment, and the next moment to come. You are, in any given moment, totally the idea you believe you are, regardless of anything you have ever been.
Allow them to unlock, allow them to learn why they may have created that scenario for themselves. Get them to understand what they have learned from that scenario, no matter how negative it may have been. Everything is an opportunity to learn. Teach them: no situation has built-in meaning. All situations are fundamentally neutral, when you apply a meaning to a neutral situation, you get that effect -- positive meaning, positive effect, negative meaning, negative effect. But the meaning you give it is based upon what you have been taught to believe the situation represents. But no situation has inherently built-in meaning: no set of blank circumstances inherently means anything. It is simply a blank set of props. You arrange them into the play you believe in. You follow me?
(Tape change) ... as your expression of the unique facet of the multidimensional crystal you have chosen to be. Cherish them and love them unconditionally; they will feel this love from you, and they will see reflected in you an opportunity to see that they themselves are also reflections and representations of the same power and unconditional love. Thank you.
Q: Thank you.
B: SHARING!
February 03, 2005 (Death and Dying)
I thought I would write an update on what is keeping me busy lately. I have a family member who is dying, and I have been doing the research on what is needed for a Catholic/Military funeral and burial because his wife is busy at the hospital with him everyday. Seems like there are many rules to dying and death in some religions. I am so glad that I chose an immediate family that are more flexible when it comes to death and dying. I found out that the average US funeral & burial is about $10,000 by the time you add all the services etc. My dad had chosen cremation when he died in 2002, and it was $1100 total including a free burial at sea since he was in the military. http://www.veteransfuneralcare.com/
Through all this I have had an opportunity to look at a lot of my beliefs concerning death, how you treat a dead body, and money. I have decided that, like my dad, I also want a direct cremation when I die, then my family can do whatever they wish with my remains. They can scatter me on the ocean or keep me in a coffee can. It won't matter to me anymore. :) I do feel a responsibility to my family though, and feel like I do not want them to be "burdened" financially or physically with me. That is my preference I know these are my beliefs, and I do not have a problem with others who choose to explore long lingering illnesses, running out of insurance and even paying for very expensive burial and funeral costs, but I can't say I understand it other than it provides value fulfillment in some way. I am definitely more inclined to choose the path of least resistance for myself, and that will include my death. It will be quick and painless that much I already know, but of course I am always free to change my mind about that later.
There is so much more I could write about this, but I won't. It has been very helpful for me to experience this though. I had a very different experience when my dad died in 2002. He was very clear about what he wanted. He did not want treatment that was expensive and would just prolong his dying. He chose a direct cremation and he was not religious so there was no church involved. We just had a memorial for him with friends. It was all over rather quickly. Now I am getting it from a different perspective and I truly appreciate the way both men have chosen to explore the dying process even though I have a personal preference for my dad's exploration.
